Month: October 2025

Trump’s $300 Million Ballroom Approved, Will Feature Gold Toilets and Self-Congratulatory Plaques – Mar-a-Lago expansion to include largest room ever designed for one person’s ego

Lab Monkeys Stage Prison Break, Immediately Regret Freedom Upon Discovering Outside World – Escaped primates request re-admission after encountering traffic, taxes, and Twitter

NVIDIA’s Washington Love Affair Reaches Uncomfortable Third Date Territory – Tech giant’s relationship with federal government now includes pet names, inside jokes

Millions of Taxpayers Applaud Government Shutdown, Finally Get Break from Funding Congress – Nation celebrates brief period of not paying elected officials to accomplish nothing

Mexico Announces New ‘Mexico for the Mexicans’ Campaign, Accidentally Creates Tourism Boom – Country’s nationalist slogan proves irresistible to confused American tourists seeking authentic tacos

Letitia James Debuts ‘Resting Prosecution Face’ in Mirror, Accidentally Indicts Herself – New York AG’s stern countenance achieves sentience, files preliminary charges

Jaydon Blue Discovers He’s Been Pronouncing His Own Name Wrong for 20 Years – University of Texas student’s identity crisis triggers campus-wide pronunciation emergency

Commission of Fine Arts Approves Statue of Guy Checking His Phone – Historic monument to commemorate humanity’s greatest achievement: ignoring surroundings

Local Man Discovers He’s Been Living in Austin’s Most Expensive Zip Code While Shopping at Dollar Tree – Austin resident’s property tax revelation comes during coupon-clipping session