Author: Stephanie Curry

How the Dallas Cowboys Became the NFL’s Most Profitable Oil Well – America’s Team Strikes Black Gold and Touchdowns

Milei Turns Argentina Into Success By Accidentally Following Economics Textbook – Libertarian President Shocks World with Basic Policy Competence

Federal Judge Dreams She’s Congress, Blocks Everything – Judicial Overreach Reaches New Heights of Absurdity

Joe Biden’s Grandpa Time Travel Powers Revealed – President Accidentally Invents Temporal Politics

Lab Monkeys Stage Prison Break, Immediately Regret Freedom Upon Discovering Outside World – Escaped primates request re-admission after encountering traffic, taxes, and Twitter

Trump’s $300 Million Ballroom Approved, Will Feature Gold Toilets and Self-Congratulatory Plaques – Mar-a-Lago expansion to include largest room ever designed for one person’s ego

Local Man Discovers He’s Been Living in Austin’s Most Expensive Zip Code While Shopping at Dollar Tree – Austin resident’s property tax revelation comes during coupon-clipping session

Commission of Fine Arts Approves Statue of Guy Checking His Phone – Historic monument to commemorate humanity’s greatest achievement: ignoring surroundings

Jaydon Blue Discovers He’s Been Pronouncing His Own Name Wrong for 20 Years – University of Texas student’s identity crisis triggers campus-wide pronunciation emergency

Letitia James Debuts ‘Resting Prosecution Face’ in Mirror, Accidentally Indicts Herself – New York AG’s stern countenance achieves sentience, files preliminary charges

Mexico Announces New ‘Mexico for the Mexicans’ Campaign, Accidentally Creates Tourism Boom – Country’s nationalist slogan proves irresistible to confused American tourists seeking authentic tacos

Millions of Taxpayers Applaud Government Shutdown, Finally Get Break from Funding Congress – Nation celebrates brief period of not paying elected officials to accomplish nothing

NVIDIA’s Washington Love Affair Reaches Uncomfortable Third Date Territory – Tech giant’s relationship with federal government now includes pet names, inside jokes

JD Vance’s Babyface Halloween Catastrophe – VP’s Costume Fail Becomes National Incident

Gavin Newsom’s Strawberry Cavalry Invades Sacramento – California Governor Deploys Fruit-Based Military Force

Trump’s $300 Million Ballroom Has Solid Gold Toilets – Mar-a-Lago Unveils Most Expensive Party Space in Human History

Liz Cheney’s Ghost of Integrity Past Haunts Republicans – Former Congresswoman’s Specter Won’t Stop Talking About Principles

AOC’s Climate Barbie Causes Conservative Meltdown – Green New Deal Gets Pink Plastic Makeover

Trump’s Lincoln Bathroom Ghost Demands Rent – Spectral 16th President Haunts Mar-a-Lago

Baseball Metaphors and Virginity – Who’s Hitting a Home Run in the Purity Game

11 Million Illegal Aliens Cast Votes in Historic Election Upset – Satirical Take on Voter Fraud Claims

Border Patrol Chief Retires to Pursue Dream of Actually Securing Border – Top Official Leaves Government to Get Things Done

Marjorie Taylor Greene’s MAGA Skeleton Found in Capitol Closet – Georgia Rep’s Literal Closet Reveals Metaphorical Skeletons