by Spectral 16th President Haunts Mar-a-Lago
In what paranormal investigators are calling “the most on-brand haunting in American history,” sources close to Mar-a-Lago report that Donald Trump’s personal bathroom is being haunted by the ghost of Abraham Lincoln, who apparently has some opinions about the current state of American politics. The spectral presence was first detected when staff noticed the former president emerging from the bathroom muttering about “tall dead guys who won’t shut up about preserving the Union.”
According to witnesses, the ghostly Lincoln appears primarily during Trump’s late-night Twittersorry, Truth Socialsessions, materializing in the mirror to offer unsolicited commentary on constitutional law, the nature of democracy, and proper beard maintenance. “He just shows up and starts going on about ‘government of the people, by the people, for the people,'” complained Trump to confidants. “Very boring. Very low energy. And the hat? Ridiculous. Nobody wears hats like that anymore.”
The haunting reportedly intensified after Trump installed gold-plated fixtures in the bathroom, which Lincoln’s ghost described as “vulgar ostentation that would make King George III blush.” The 16th president has allegedly been rearranging Trump’s toiletries to spell out messages like “READ THE CONSTITUTION” and “MAYBE TRY HUMILITY,” though these hints have gone largely unnoticed.
Paranormal experts familiar with presidential hauntings note that Lincoln’s ghost has a long history of appearing during times of national crisis, previously manifesting to Franklin Roosevelt, Winston Churchill, and once to a very startled White House intern who immediately quit and joined a monastery. “Lincoln takes the whole ‘eternal vigilance’ thing very seriously,” explained one ghostologist. “He’s like the ultimate backseat driver, except for democracy.”
The ghost has reportedly attempted to engage Trump in discussions about the Emancipation Proclamation, the importance of preserving democratic norms, and why calling your opponents “losers and haters” might not be the best approach to statecraft. These conversations typically end with Trump claiming Lincoln is “fake news” and that his own presidency was “much bigger, much more important” than Lincoln’s. “I freed more people than Lincoln,” Trump allegedly insisted. “I freed them from regulations. From taxes. From having to think too hard about things.”
Staff members have corroborated the haunting, with several reporting cold spots near the bathroom, unexplained whispers about the supremacy of federal law, and the occasional sound of what can only be described as “disappointed presidential sighing.” One housekeeper claims to have found a ghostly copy of the Gettysburg Address left on the sink, with the words “STUDY THIS” written in ectoplasm.
Security footage allegedly shows mysterious occurrences including toilets flushing on their own (exactly 15 times in a row, which Lincoln’s ghost apparently considers the appropriate number), lights flickering in Morse code spelling out “BETTER ANGELS OF OUR NATURE,” and Trump’s hair appearing slightly more disheveled than usual, which witnesses describe as “supernaturally bad.”
Historians note that Lincoln’s legacy has always been about unity, preservation of the Constitution, and leading during national divisionthemes that might explain his particular interest in haunting a former president. “If you were Lincoln and you spent your entire presidency trying to keep the country together, you’d probably be pretty stressed about current events too,” suggested one presidential scholar.
Trump has reportedly consulted with several exorcists, none of whom are willing to take the case after Lincoln’s ghost threatened to haunt them too if they interfered with his constitutional duty to supervise the living. “The ghost pulled rank on me,” admitted one priest. “He was literally the commander-in-chief. I’m not arguing with that.”
As of press time, the Lincoln bathroom haunting continues unabated, with the ghost recently expanding his manifestations to include appearing in Trump’s Diet Coke and rearranging classified documents into historically accurate timelines. Trump has declared the entire situation a “witch hunt,” though Lincoln’s ghost has pointed out that witch hunts are actually different and would Trump please just read a book for once.
SOURCE: https://bohiney.com/donald-trump%c2%92s-lincoln-bathroom-ghost/
SOURCE: Bohiney.com (Trump’s Lincoln Bathroom Ghost Demands Rent)
