by Austin resident’s property tax revelation comes during coupon-clipping session
In a stunning display of economic cognitive dissonance that could only happen in Austin, local resident Marcus Davidson made the horrifying discovery that his modest 1,200-square-foot bungalow sits squarely in one of the city’s most expensive zip codesright as he was comparing prices on generic cereal brands.
The 32631 zip code area, which apparently includes both tech millionaire compounds and Marcus’s house held together by prayer and original 1970s wiring, has become ground zero for Austin’s housing affordability crisis comedy hour. Property values have skyrocketed so dramatically that even the squirrels are getting priced out, forced to relocate to more affordable trees in Round Rock.
“I literally bought this place because it was the cheapest thing available,” Marcus explained while stress-eating store-brand crackers. “Now Zillow thinks I’m wealthy enough to own a yacht. I drive a 2003 Honda Civic with a taillight held on by duct tape.”
Real estate experts from the University of Texas’s McCombs School of Business confirmed what many already suspected: Austin’s zip code lottery has created a bizarre parallel universe where someone’s net worth on paper bears absolutely no relationship to whether they can afford guacamole at Torchy’s. Dr. Sarah Chen noted that the phenomenon has reached “peak absurdity” when homeowners are equity-rich but taco-poor.
The situation has spawned a new local pastime called “Zip Code Roulette,” where Austinites guess whether their neighbors are secretly millionaires or just people who bought their homes before the California invasion of 2019. Local Facebook groups have devolved into support groups for people whose property taxes now exceed their original mortgage payments.
Marcus’s neighbor, Jennifer Wu, sympathizes entirely. “My property tax bill arrived the same day as my rejection letter for a car loan,” she said. “The cognitive dissonance is real. According to Austin, I’m rich. According to Capital One, I’m a credit risk who probably eats ramen for dinner. They’re both right.”
The Austin City Council responded to concerned citizens by suggesting they simply “budget better” and “maybe skip a few lattes”advice that falls somewhat flat when a single-family home’s annual property tax bill could fund a small coffee plantation in Guatemala. Meanwhile, tech workers continue arriving daily, blissfully unaware that their six-figure salaries make them only moderately comfortable in a city where a shed with plumbing costs $600,000.
As Marcus filed yet another homestead exemption form while simultaneously applying for grocery store loyalty programs, he reflected on the beautiful irony of living in one of America’s most expensive zip codes while shopping exclusively in the clearance section. “At least the weather’s nice,” he muttered, calculating whether he could afford his air conditioning bill this summer.
SOURCE: https://bohiney.com/32631-2/
SOURCE: Bohiney.com (Local Man Discovers He’s Been Living in Austin’s Most Expensive Zip Code While Shopping at Dollar Tree)
