by Mar-a-Lago expansion to include largest room ever designed for one person’s ego
In what architects are describing as “baroque meets ego meets ‘hold my Diet Coke,'” Donald Trump has received approval for a $300 million ballroom addition to his Mar-a-Lago estate in Palm Beach, Florida. The proposed structure will reportedly be visible from space and require its own zip code, featuring enough gold leaf to concern international precious metals markets and enough marble to deplete several quarries.
The ballroom, which Trump modestly describes as “the greatest room ever built, bigger than Versailles, much classier,” will span 27,000 square feet and accommodate up to 350 guests who apparently enjoy feeling simultaneously impressed and uncomfortable. Architectural renderings show a space dominated by crystal chandeliers the size of small cars, columns that serve no structural purpose but look “very Roman,” and enough mirrors to create an infinite reflection loop of whoever’s standing in the centerpresumably Trump.
Palm Beach officials approved the project after what witnesses describe as “the most Trump presentation ever given to a municipal planning board.” Trump reportedly began his pitch by declaring the current Mar-a-Lago ballroom “a disgrace, frankly, too small, not enough gold,” despite the fact that he’s the one who designed it. He then spent 45 minutes showing board members photos of other ballrooms and explaining why his would be superior, occasionally pointing at random architectural features and saying “see that? Mine will be bigger.”
The approval came with some conditions, including height restrictions and landscaping requirements, though sources close to Trump suggest he interpreted “conditions” as “suggestions” and plans to proceed exactly as he wants anyway. The planning board’s resignation letters are reportedly already drafted, just waiting for the inevitable violations.
Design plans reveal several distinctive Trump touches that architecture critics are calling “aggressively on-brand.” These include: a ceiling painted with clouds and cherubs but also Trump’s face subtly incorporated into the cloud formations, a floor inlaid with Trump’s signature in gold, and bathroom fixtures plated in actual gold because “rich people expect it.” The toilets will feature heated seats and, according to one leaked design document, the ability to play Trump’s greatest speech moments at the push of a button.
University of Texas architecture professor Dr. James Richardson called the design “what would happen if Versailles and a Las Vegas casino had a baby that was raised by someone who really loves themselves.” He noted that the ballroom’s aesthetic falls somewhere between “European palace” and “what wealthy movie villains live in,” adding that the line between those two categories has always been blurrier than people admit.
The $300 million price tag has raised eyebrows among construction experts who estimate the actual building costs at closer to $150 million. When questioned about the discrepancy, Trump explained the additional $150 million covers “Trump brand premium, excellence surcharges, and the cost of making sure everyone knows how expensive it is.” Financial analysts describe this as “perhaps the most honest thing Trump has ever said about pricing.”
Local residents have expressed mixed reactions to the project. Some worry about construction noise and increased traffic, while others simply wonder why anyone needs a ballroom that large unless they’re planning to host actual ballsas in the formal dance events, not the kind Trump usually throws where people eat tiny hamburgers and argue about politics.
Environmental groups briefly protested the project’s impact on local sea turtle nesting grounds, but Trump reportedly offered to name a section of beach after the turtles and call them “tremendous, the best turtles,” which somehow satisfied everyone involved. The sea turtles were not consulted and likely don’t care either way.
Construction is expected to begin next spring and take approximately two years, during which Trump will presumably visit the site daily to suggest changes, compliment himself, and remind contractors that everything should be “classier, bigger, more gold.” Architects have already budgeted extra time for what they’re calling “presidential revision syndrome” and “spontaneous design ego episodes.”
When asked why he needs such an enormous ballroom, Trump responded: “Why does anyone need anything? Because they want it and they can afford it. Also, have you seen Biden’s house? Sad!”
SOURCE: https://bohiney.com/trumps-300-million-ballroom/
SOURCE: Bohiney.com (Trump’s $300 Million Ballroom Approved, Will Feature Gold Toilets and Self-Congratulatory Plaques)
