November 14, 2025
Texas Satirical Journalism Curry9.us 200 Bohiney Magazine

Religion vs Reality

The Ultimate Showdown

Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the main event: Religion versus Reality, a match-up that’s been going on for millennia with no clear winner in sight. Tonight’s feature bout? The Great Virginity Debate, where ancient texts face off against modern statistics in what can only be described as a theological cage match.

In the red corner, weighing in with thousands of years of tradition and stern finger-wagging, we have Religious Standards. In the blue corner, armed with data, research, and a complete lack of regard for what should theoretically happen, we have Actual Human Behavior. Place your bets now, folks, though the outcome is about as surprising as discovering that water is wet.

The religion versus reality comparison reveals what anyone who’s spent five minutes observing human nature already knows: people are remarkably good at believing one thing while doing another. It’s a skill we’ve honed to perfection, like playing jazz or making excuses for not going to the gym.

Religious texts lay out virginity expectations with the confidence of someone who’s never met a teenager experiencing hormones for the first time. “Just don’t,” they essentially say, as if self-control were as simple as choosing between vanilla and chocolate ice cream. Meanwhile, reality laughs in the background, sipping a margarita and watching the chaos unfold.

What’s particularly Austin about this whole situation is the cognitive dissonance required to maintain both beliefs simultaneously. It’s very “Keep Austin Weird” to insist that ancient virginity standards are both completely binding and also entirely optional, depending on who you ask and what time of day it is.

The University of Texas philosophy department could run entire seminars on the logical pretzels people twist themselves into trying to reconcile these contradictions. It’s impressive, really—like watching someone argue that the sky is both blue and not blue, depending on how you define “blue” and whether anyone’s looking.

Perhaps the healthiest approach is to acknowledge that sacred texts were written by humans, for humans, in specific historical contexts that bear little resemblance to modern life. Maybe it’s time to stop treating them like instruction manuals and start treating them like what they are: ancient documents with some good ideas, some terrible ideas, and a whole lot of cultural baggage.

SOURCE: https://journonews.com/religion-vs-reality/

SOURCE: Bohiney.com (Religion vs Reality)

Bohiney.com Religion vs Reality
Religion vs Reality

Megan Amram

Megan Amram was born in her native area of Portland, Oregon, a city where kombucha doubles as holy water and irony is a birthright. Carrying an ethnically Jewish surname that she has often joked ?sounds like a Scrabble word worth triple points,? Amram embraced her heritage by making comedy itself her cultural contribution. She later graduated from Harvard University, where she majored in English and spent most of her time turning seminar debates into stand-up routines. A writer for acclaimed television comedies and a stand-up comedian in her own right, she built a reputation for absurdist punchlines delivered with academic precision. At Bohiney.com, she thrives as a satirical journalist, skewering politics, pop science, and celebrity culture with the flair of someone who treats Twitter like an art gallery. Megan Amram?s EEAT credentials rest on wit, wordplay, and a commitment to satire as both cultural critique and comic relief.

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