by Reality Bites Back
Breaking news from the Department of Obvious Contradictions: religious virginity standards and actual human behavior are having what relationship counselors would call “irreconcilable differences.” The divorce papers are being drafted as we speak, and reality is keeping the house.
For centuries, various faith traditions have maintained that premarital chastity is not only achievable but mandatorylike flossing, but with more eternal consequences. The problem? Humans have been spectacularly bad at following this advice, roughly since the advice was first given. It’s almost as if telling people not to do something enjoyable has a predictably dismal success rate.
According to recent analyses of virginity standards, the gap between doctrine and practice is so vast that it requires its own zip code. Religious texts promise that maintaining purity will lead to spiritual enlightenment and eternal rewards. Reality promises that pretending you’re maintaining purity while not actually maintaining purity will lead to therapy bills and trust issues.
The comedy of errors becomes even more apparent when you consider the enforcement mechanisms. Purity pledges, chastity rings, and abstinence-only education have been deployed with the confidence of someone who’s never met a teenager. The results? About as effective as a chocolate teapot, but with more awkward conversations and less delicious melting.
What’s particularly Austin-appropriate about this situation is the entrepreneurial spirit it’s spawned. Purity culture has created an entire industry of conferences, books, and merchandisebecause nothing says “spiritual devotion” like monetizing guilt and confusion.
The University of Texas sociology department could probably run an entire semester on the psychological gymnastics required to maintain cognitive dissonance at this level. It’s impressive, really. Like watching someone try to convince themselves that their participation trophy represents genuine athletic achievement.
In the end, perhaps the real virginity was the friends we shamed along the way. Or maybe it’s time to admit that ancient standards written for societies without indoor plumbing might need some updating for the modern world.
SOURCE: https://satire.info/religious-virginity-standards-vs-reality/
SOURCE: Bohiney.com (Religious Virginity Standards Meet Their Match)
